Last Wednesday, I had an anxiety attack. A break down. I was on the train back home and all I wanted to do was to get off the train ASAP.

But, I didn’t. A lady kept me company and tried to distract me. When she got off, I contemplated to get off.

But, I didn’t. I finally did after M told me to and that he’d pick me up. It was one station away from my stop. I figured I’d just ride it all the way home.

But, I didn’t. I got off. Finally.
I broke down and cried. At the station. In public.
I didn’t care.
As soon as M picked me up, I just let myself cry like a baby.
That’s the “ugly” side of extreme anxiety, CPTSD and depression.
The side of me not many people see.

Here’s the thing, there is no need to be strong, to push yourself when you need to be with the way you are at any given moment (you have a meltdown).

You need to do what’s needed. And that’s what I’m bad at doing. I just want to keep going, pushing myself until I can’t function like a human being.

My recent meltdown happened because flashbacks and nightmares occur very frequently these days. They fuck with my mind, body and soul. They break me.

But, I pick myself up all the time.
Every damn time.
Because I need to keep fighting this fight.
If I can do it, so can you!

P/S: The image is me having some down time to write, read and educate myself more about CPTSD, anxiety, GAD and other mental health issues that not many people want to talk about. It’s needed. It can help so many people out there.

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