Wanna know what I can’t seem to overcome? My fear of day-to-day life.

My story begins as a young girl. Always anxious, always afraid of the “what ifs”.
I was so anxious every second of the day even before I knew what ‘anxiety’ was or that the feeling even had a name.

Many years later, I remember thinking to myself ‘I’ll always feel this way’, afraid and feeling lonely. It seemed impossible to me that I could ever change, mainly because anxious thoughts were all I had ever known.

I remember being fearful through primary and secondary school, college and eventually at work (but this is unknown to anyone because I was so good at hiding my anxiety).
Always feeling down about myself.

And yet, these days, I just feel as if I’ve had enough of anxiety.
Sure, it doesn’t go away, but I don’t feel as anxious as I used to be.
My therapist asked me this arvo, what was the motivation?
And I answered, FEAR.

I sang in front of my loved ones and choir family last Sunday.
It was scary. I was SO anxious. But I went ahead with it.
Because I wanted to overcome my fear.
Because I wanted to overcome my anxiety of performing in front of people.
I was so glad when it was over, even when I felt like I fucked it up.
But hey, I DID IT.
And YES, FEAR was MY MOTIVATION for standing in front of them.

Instead of letting fear or anxiety cripple me, I harnessed it to swing my mind back around and into a productive state.

There are two options: BE DEPRESSED or USE THE FEAR.

And I chose the latter. And I will keep choosing the latter.

*Image credited to pixabay

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