For a while, life became very scary for me and I didn’t hide it within my small social circle. Some days were good, while other days, I would obsess over decisions I had made years ago – questioning where I had gone wrong that led me to various uncertainties and unimaginable events.

Just before Christmas 2020, I was in a very dark place to a point that I was ready to end it all. The last time I felt the same was about 13 to 14 years ago. If it weren’t for all the continuous support and love from those very close to me and for the last bits of strength in me, I wouldn’t have been here today.

It’s important for me to be real and raw about what’s going on in my life – at least, about the state of my mental health, because mental health issues are still a taboo subject in many countries. Why would I leave everyone and everything behind especially when I am loved by many? Sometimes, it’s just too hard, it’s too hard to make sense of the voices in my head, and leaving just makes sense, makes things better. BUT, there are other parts of me that constantly remind me of how lucky I am to be here. Still standing, still breathing, still fighting. They remind me to keep fighting, they help me to keep going, to keep living.

Someone once told me that we’re the masters of our own destiny. But, when you find yourself in transition and healing, and every little thing feels and seems unfamiliar as you grow into the next version of yourself; never ever forget the people who gave you strength and encouragement you needed on the days you didn’t feel like a master of anything.

I’m in a better place now. My heart is filled with so much love and gratitude for these people who constantly check up on me, who understand what I am going through. There are truly many good people out there, surround yourself with them. When you do, tell them that you love them, that you cherish them, and remember, they love and cherish you too – more than you know.

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